Improvement is made only in the present moment. If you find something is displeasurable to you in any way, attack it.
If you have family, love them, they are a source of great strength to you. If you do not have family, find people you can call brother and sister.
When you grieve, you grieve for yourself. It is your loss. Do not let a selfish impulse prevent you from taking action.
Will is everything. Training, hard work, practice -- it all comes from will. If you have the will to succeed, you will. If you do not, not matter your experience or training, you will fail.